Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
