We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize