i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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