it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
