Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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