He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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