just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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