she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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