I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
