Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize