Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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