Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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