I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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