I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
