So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
