Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
