If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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