I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
