but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
