what day is it and did you see me today?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
