no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
