tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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