How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
