So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
