"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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