Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
