I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
