I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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