I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
