Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
