I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
