She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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