Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
