I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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