i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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