sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
