he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she told me i tasted like america
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
