Your tits are I can't wait for
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
