While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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