Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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