First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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