So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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