I will die if light touches me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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