When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
