My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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