he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
