Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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