You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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