I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
