Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
