I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
