and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize