Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
