Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
