There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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