saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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