I accidentally burped into my bong.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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