I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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