WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
