if you like me you must not know who I am
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
