Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
