found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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