Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
