I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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