Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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