There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
