thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize