so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
