There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
