How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
