ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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