So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize