Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
