i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
