I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
