I got chris browned last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
