there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
