Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Randomize
