I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is Oprah even human
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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