I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
