I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize