btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
