Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
