if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
