good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They took my balls.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
