you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
