yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
