Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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