so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
