She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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