Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
