i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's blow job season.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
