This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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