Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize