a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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