I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There are leaves in my underwear?
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