haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
