the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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