If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
