May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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