So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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