I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
