Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize