i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
