Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
