I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize