Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
