he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think your dad took our porno
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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