I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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