just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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