i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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