I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
