you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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