you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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