guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
