have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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