does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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