porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize